How to co-parent with an ex

“The more you can spare your child any “messenger” type of role and work directly with your ex to co-create rules, routines, and effective strategies for supporting your children and discouraging acting-out behaviors, the more ease and cooperation you’ll evoke in your children.”

Key take-aways from the article: (Yes, very hard to do, but parenting is never easy to begin with…)

  1. Understand your unconscious parenting style and how it may be a reaction to or a repetition of the way your own parents parented you.
  2. Communicate regularly with your ex, even if it’s through texts or email, to coordinate schedules and keep each other informed of school events, lessons, medical issues, or other relevant information.
  3. Notice what your ex is getting right.
  4. Talk to your ex about the pros and cons of your routines, find common ground, and agree to keep certain parts of the children’s routines consistent between households. 
  5. Find ways to support each other that will allow for greater consistency while permitting flexibility.
  6. Discuss the rules that vary between households with your children, and explain why you and your ex have different views about these rules.
  7. When a serious difference or grievance arises, figure out a way to work through it respectfully.Read more.