TO STOP HURTFUL CYCLES IN RELATIONSHIPS, TAKE A RELATIONSHIP INVENTORY OF YOUR ROMANTIC HISTORY. THESE QUESTIONS MIGHT HELP.
- When you are in a relationship, do you often end up with the same feelings (e.g., feeling left, ignored, cheated, rejected, disrespected, not good-enough)?
- Do your relationships often begin and end in similar ways, and you go through the same motion and emotions again and again?
- Do your family and friends express concerns over your romantic choices?
If you answer yes, read on. Identifying the relational dynamics across relationships will help. These self-help checklists might also provide further information.
1. HOW DO YOU USUALLY BEHAVE TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER? FOR EXAMPLE, IN A RELATIONSHIP, DO YOU…
- find yourself very easily attached to your partner and become anxious when s/he is distant/away?
- find yourself often concerned with what s/he is doing or who s/he is with?
- find it difficult to trust that things will be OK?
- find it hard to let your guard down?
2. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY DO WHEN YOU FEEL ANXIOUS IN A RELATIONSHIP? DO YOU…
- solicit reassurance to prove s/he in fact cares about you?
- withdraw to avoid feeling hurt, or turn away to minimize conflicts?
- get frustrated and end up blaming yourself one way or another?
- just want to tell your partner how you feel, but always end up in a heated argument?
3. HOW DOES YOUR PARTNER TEND TO RESPOND TO YOU? DOES S/HE
- respond warmly to or criticize your needs?
- reassure or blame you consistently?
- seem committed to working on the relationship, or focus unilaterally on his/her needs?
- show s/he considers your interest in making decisions, or feel entitled to doing whatever s/he wants unilaterally?
Usually, when relationships fail, people can be matched up with the wrong person, or partners are caught in destructive cycles of unhelpful communication.
4. COMMON DEAL-BREAKERS THAT MAKE RECONCILIATION DIFFICULT
- Any form of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
- Serious addiction
- Serial infidelity
If you are dealing with any of these difficulties, contact us.